the relative reality of a dream | 5.26.19

I ask myself what constitutes as a reality

noun

Reality versus Imagination, juxtaposition of the two

Imagination, I believe to be continuous

The child praised for her imagination then utilizes the same imagination today

But I do not believe reality to be all the same

For a reality is always subject to change

A limit approaching infinity.

The world or state of things as they actually exist

The definitions make me angry.

The state or quality of having existence or substance

Subjective when they aim to be objective

A thing that exists in fact

Exclusive.

My mother has been in my dreams every night since.

When they first started, she was always healthy

Healthier than she had been in years.

I knew she was healthy by how fast she moved in them,

The lack of breaths she took when walking

It was a version of her I did not recognize.

A reality I was unfamiliar with.

But of course I would not recognize those realities.

For they were dreams of realities that existed before I had ever been born,

Before she had ever been diagnosed,

Before the illness ever attacked.

But in other dreams she was sick

And weak.

And I know now that those would have been the realities

Had the last couple of weeks gone on forever.

She could not have done it

Not because it was too painful for her to have experienced

But because she would not have wanted me to watch her experience it.

My dream last night was different

I remember sitting on my phone looking at a picture of us and crying

But with her arm around me.

In this reality she is dead but also alive

A synthesized reality of the two

A reality where both are possible

A Schrodinger's Cat reality.

The realities of my dreams are all relative

Every time I sleep, my dream becomes my Relative Reality

Subject to change when I awaken

With thought, I can decipher the difference between the Mama of my Relative Reality

Versus the Mama of my Absolute Reality.

But I do not believe my relative realities to be any less real than my Absolute Reality

To hold any less value than my Absolute Reality

Because in the state of my dream, any reality I experience is fact

The Relative Reality of the dream becomes the truth for the time being

Thus with argument, the definitions lose their exclusivity

And in my dreams she can be as real as ever

Because she is as real as ever

Because in the current state of my Relative Reality,

That is the only Absolute Reality I know.